How to Make the Other Person Happy About Doing What You Suggest

The Final Principle

Everything in this book leads to this: getting others to do things willingly and happily.

You can force compliance through authority. You can manipulate behavior through pressure. But the leader who inspires genuine enthusiasm creates loyalty, commitment, and results that outlast any transaction.

Why Happiness Matters

Reluctant compliance produces minimum effort. Happy cooperation produces discretionary effort—the extra mile that makes the difference between adequate and excellent.

People who feel good about what they're doing:

• Work harder
• Stay longer
• Bring creativity
• Inspire others
• Remain loyal

The few extra moments spent making them happy about the task pay dividends far beyond the immediate request.

Practical Techniques

Technique 1: Connect to Meaning

Help them see how the request serves a larger purpose:

Instead of: "I need you to update these records." Try: "These records help us serve our customers better. When you keep them accurate, you're directly improving people's experiences."

People want their work to matter. Show them how it does.

Technique 2: Offer Genuine Authority

Give them real ownership, not just responsibility:

Instead of: "Do this project." Try: "I'd like you to lead this project. You'll have full authority over the approach and the final decisions."

Authority creates investment. Investment creates happiness.

Technique 3: Use Titles and Recognition

A meaningful title costs nothing but means everything:

"I'd like you to be the Quality Champion for this initiative."

"Would you be willing to serve as our Customer Experience Ambassador?"

The title elevates the task from chore to honor.

Technique 4: Express Confidence Specifically

Generic confidence is forgettable. Specific confidence is motivating:

Generic: "I know you can do this." Specific: "Your attention to detail and your ability to see the big picture make you perfect for this challenge."

Specific confidence tells them exactly why they're valued.

Technique 5: Preview the Recognition

Let them know how success will be acknowledged:

"When you complete this, I'm going to make sure the leadership team knows about your contribution."

"This will be a great addition to your portfolio for the promotion discussion."

The promised recognition makes the work more meaningful now.

The Napoleon Technique

Napoleon, one of history's most effective leaders, created the Legion of Honor and distributed thousands of medals. He was criticized for giving "toys" to warriors.

He replied: "Men are ruled by toys."

He understood that recognition—even symbolic recognition—motivates people more than gold.

Practice Exercise: The Motivation Design

For any task you need to delegate:

1. Write the task as a plain request
2. Add meaning: How does this serve something larger?
3. Add authority: What decisions can they own?
4. Add recognition: How will success be acknowledged?
5. Add confidence: Why are they specifically right for this?
6. Rewrite the request incorporating all elements

Example:

• Plain: "Write the quarterly report."
• With meaning: "This report tells our company's story to investors."
• With authority: "You'll have final say on content and presentation."
• With recognition: "The CEO reviews this personally and will know who wrote it."
• With confidence: "Your writing skills and your understanding of our numbers make you ideal for this."
• Final: "I'd like you to write our quarterly investor report. This is how we tell our story to the people who believe in us. You'll have full authority over how it's presented. Your writing skills and deep understanding of our numbers make you perfect for this—and the CEO will see your work directly."

In Everyday Life

This principle works beyond the workplace:

With children: "Could you help set the table? You're so good at making things look nice, and it helps us all eat together as a family."

With partners: "Would you mind handling the repairs? You're so much better at this than I am, and I'd really appreciate it."

With friends: "Could you give me honest feedback on this? I trust your judgment more than almost anyone's."

The Six Steps for Effective Requests

Carnegie summarized effective request-making in six steps:

1. Be sincere. Don't promise benefits you can't deliver.

2. Know exactly what you want the other person to do.

3. Be empathetic. Consider what they really want.

4. Match benefits to their wants. What's in it for them?

5. Make the request in terms of their benefit.

6. Convey that they'll benefit when they do what you're asking.

When the Task Is Genuinely Unpleasant

Some tasks can't be made exciting. But you can still make people feel good:

• Acknowledge the difficulty honestly
• Express genuine appreciation
• Promise recognition afterward
• Share the burden when possible
• Connect to meaning even in tedium

"I know this is tedious work, and I really appreciate you taking it on. It matters more than it might seem, and I won't forget that you stepped up."

The Leadership Capstone

This final principle synthesizes everything:

• Don't criticize—create conditions where criticism isn't needed
• Give appreciation—make people feel valued
• Arouse eager want—align your requests with their desires
• Begin with praise—set a positive tone
• Save face—preserve dignity in all interactions

When you make people happy about doing what you suggest, you're not manipulating—you're leading. You're creating an environment where everyone wins.

The Final Word

Dale Carnegie began this book by observing that dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face. He ends it here: the ability to make people genuinely happy to work with you is the ultimate skill.

It's not about tricks or manipulation. It's about genuine appreciation for others, understanding their needs, and creating conditions where everyone can thrive.

Master this, and you've mastered the art of winning friends and influencing people.

Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.