Learn why starting with praise makes criticism more effective. Discover techniques for delivering feedback that gets heard and acted upon.
Written by Laura Bouttell • Sat 24th January 2026
Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins work with Novocaine. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocaine dulls the pain.
People are far more receptive to criticism after they've heard genuine praise. Their defenses lower. They feel valued. They're ready to listen.
When you lead with criticism, the other person immediately goes defensive. Their mind races to justify themselves, to find counterarguments, to protect their ego. They're no longer listening—they're defending.
When you lead with genuine praise, you create goodwill. The person feels recognized and valued. From that secure place, they can hear difficult feedback without feeling attacked.
Don't offer vague praise—be specific:
Weak: "You're doing great work." Strong: "The way you handled the customer complaint yesterday showed real patience and problem-solving ability."
Specific praise proves you've actually noticed their work. Vague praise sounds like a setup.
Choose praise related to the area you'll criticize:
If you need to address their communication: First praise a communication strength If you need to address their attention to detail: First praise their thoroughness elsewhere If you need to address their punctuality: First praise their reliability in other areas
This shows you see the full picture, not just the problem.
For every piece of criticism, offer at least two genuine pieces of praise:
Structure:
This ratio ensures the person doesn't feel the praise was merely a preamble to attack.
Sometimes the results weren't great, but the effort was genuine:
"I can see how much work you put into this proposal. The research section especially showed real diligence. I'd like to talk about how we might strengthen the recommendations."
This acknowledges their investment even while suggesting improvement.
Don't rush from praise to criticism. Let the praise land:
The pause makes the praise feel genuine rather than perfunctory.
When William McKinley was President, he had to deliver a speech criticizing a congressman's position. Instead of attacking directly, he opened by praising the congressman's dedication to his constituents and his clear articulation of their concerns.
By the time McKinley got to his disagreement, the congressman was listening with an open mind. He felt respected, even in disagreement.
Before any feedback conversation:
If you can't find five genuine things to appreciate, reconsider whether you know this person well enough to give them feedback.
"You're a good worker, BUT..."
The word "but" erases everything before it. The person knows criticism is coming and discounts the praise.
Better: Use "and" instead: "You're thorough in your research, and I'd like to discuss how we might speed up the process."
People sense insincerity immediately. Exaggerated praise before criticism makes them suspicious of everything you say.
Better: Praise only what you genuinely mean. If you can't find anything to praise sincerely, you're not looking hard enough.
Quick, perfunctory praise signals "Let's get this over with so I can tell you what's wrong."
Better: Take your time. Make eye contact. Let the praise have weight.
"Your report was detailed, but it was too detailed."
This creates confusion and suggests you don't know what you want.
Better: Praise one genuine strength, then address a different area for improvement.
You may have heard of the "feedback sandwich" (praise-criticism-praise). While better than leading with criticism, it's become so well-known that people wait for the middle.
Instead:
The confidence at the end matters more than another piece of praise.
This principle works on yourself too. When you make a mistake:
Self-flagellation isn't more effective than self-compassion.
In emails and written feedback, the same principle applies:
Opening paragraph: Genuine appreciation Middle section: Specific feedback Closing: Confidence and support
Written words can feel harsher than spoken ones, so the praise matters even more.
Beginning with praise prepares people to hear feedback. The next step is learning how to call attention to mistakes indirectly—making the feedback even easier to receive.
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.