How to Call Attention to People's Mistakes Indirectly

The Problem with "But"

Many people start criticism with sincere praise, followed by the word "but," and ending with a critical statement:

"You've done really good work, BUT you made too many errors on this report."

The word "but" signals that everything before it was just a setup. The praise seems insincere. The person hears only the criticism.

The Simple Solution: Replace "But" with "And"

Watch what happens when we change one word:

"You've done really good work, AND if you give a bit more attention to the details, your work would be even better."

The praise now feels genuine. The suggestion for improvement feels like a natural addition, not a negation.

Why Indirect Criticism Works

Direct criticism triggers defense mechanisms. The person stops listening and starts justifying.

Indirect criticism allows the person to reach their own conclusion. They maintain their dignity. They're more likely to change because the insight feels like their own.

Practical Techniques

Technique 1: The Question Method

Instead of stating the mistake, ask questions that lead them to discover it:

Direct: "You forgot to include the budget projections." Indirect: "I was looking through the proposal—did you have a chance to add the budget section?"

The question assumes good faith while drawing attention to the gap.

Technique 2: The "I Wonder" Approach

Frame observations as your own uncertainty:

Direct: "Your calculations are wrong." Indirect: "I'm getting different numbers when I run these figures. I wonder if we should double-check the formula?"

This makes it collaborative rather than accusatory.

Technique 3: The General Observation

Comment on the general situation without pointing fingers:

Direct: "You're being too negative in meetings." Indirect: "I've noticed our meetings have had a critical tone lately. How do you think we could make them more constructive?"

This invites reflection without assigning blame.

Technique 4: The Story Method

Tell a story about someone else (or yourself) who made a similar mistake:

"I remember when I first started, I made the same kind of error. My manager helped me see that..."

The lesson is clear without making it personal.

Technique 5: The Suggestion as Request

Turn criticism into a request for help:

Direct: "Your reports are too long." Indirect: "I'd love to have a summary version of your reports—would you mind helping me out by adding an executive summary at the top?"

They're doing you a favor, not being corrected.

Charles Schwab's Cigar Method

Charles Schwab was walking through one of his steel mills when he came across some employees smoking directly beneath a "No Smoking" sign.

He could have pointed at the sign and demanded compliance. Instead, he walked over to the men, handed each of them a cigar, and said, "I'd appreciate it, boys, if you'd smoke these outside."

Not a word about the rule. Not a hint of criticism. Yet the message was perfectly clear—and received without resentment.

The Owner's Manual Approach

Instead of criticizing someone's work, comment on the "system" or "process":

Direct: "You're doing this wrong." Indirect: "I wonder if our process for this could be clearer. Let me show you a different approach that might work better."

You're critiquing the system, not the person.

Practice Exercise: The Indirect Rewrite

Take five pieces of direct criticism you've given (or wanted to give):

1. Write the direct version
2. Rewrite using "and" instead of "but"
3. Rewrite as a question
4. Rewrite as an "I wonder" statement
5. Rewrite as a request for help

Example: "Your presentation slides are too cluttered"

• And version: "Your content is solid, and your slides would be even more impactful with less text on each one."
• Question: "What if we streamlined the slides so the audience focuses on your key points?"
• I wonder: "I wonder if fewer words per slide would help the audience follow along better?"
• Request: "Could you help me out? I find it hard to listen while reading—would a simpler slide layout be possible?"

When Direct Feedback Is Necessary

Sometimes indirect criticism isn't appropriate:

• Safety issues: Be direct. "Stop. That's dangerous."
• Time-critical problems: Don't dance around urgent issues
• Repeated offenses: If indirect approaches haven't worked
• When they've asked for direct feedback: Honor their request

The goal is effectiveness, not softness. Use the approach that works.

The Japanese Business Practice

In Japanese business culture, direct criticism is rare. Instead, information is shared in ways that allow the recipient to draw their own conclusions and save face.

This isn't weakness—it's respect. And it often achieves better results because people implement changes willingly rather than resentfully.

Combining Techniques

The most effective feedback often combines several indirect approaches:

1. Start with appreciation ("Your analysis was thorough")
2. Add an observation ("And I noticed the conclusion might be interpreted differently by different readers")
3. Ask a question ("How do you think we could make it crystal clear?")
4. Offer support ("I'm happy to brainstorm if that would help")

This sequence preserves dignity while clearly communicating the issue.

Calling attention to mistakes indirectly is powerful, but even more powerful is talking about your own mistakes first—showing vulnerability before asking others to be vulnerable.

Principle 2: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.