Learn why preserving dignity matters more than proving points. Discover techniques for addressing problems while allowing others to maintain their self-respect.
Written by Laura Bouttell • Sat 24th January 2026
We often ride roughshod over the feelings of others, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing in front of others—without thinking of the wounds to the other person's pride.
Even if we're right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing them to lose face.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote: "I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime."
When you humiliate someone:
A few moments of superiority isn't worth years of resentment.
Never criticize someone in front of others. Take them aside:
"Could I speak with you privately for a moment?"
What might have been humiliating becomes a confidential conversation between equals.
Offer a face-saving explanation for their mistake:
Instead of: "You clearly didn't read the instructions." Try: "The instructions aren't very clear—I had trouble with them too."
Instead of: "You forgot the meeting." Try: "I wonder if the meeting invite didn't come through properly."
You're not pretending the mistake didn't happen. You're offering a dignified explanation that they can accept.
Use language that minimizes the sense of failure:
Instead of: "You did this wrong." Try: "Let me show you a different approach."
Instead of: "Your presentation was weak." Try: "Let's talk about how to make your presentations even stronger."
The reframe preserves their self-image as capable.
Validate that what they're being asked to do is hard:
"This is a challenging situation. I know you're doing your best with difficult circumstances."
This shows understanding rather than judgment.
Make clear that your issue is with specific actions, not with them:
"I know this isn't typical of your work..." "This is unlike you..." "I'm confident this was an exception..."
This preserves their identity even while addressing a problem.
At General Electric, an employee had made a serious error that could have been grounds for dismissal. Instead of firing or publicly reprimanding him, his supervisor handled it this way:
He called the employee in privately, acknowledged the seriousness of the error, but then said: "I know you're capable of much better work than this. I'm going to forget this happened. I expect you'll never give me reason to remember it."
The employee became one of the most loyal and careful workers in the department. The moment of grace earned years of dedication.
Think of the last five times you corrected someone. For each:
Use this audit to identify patterns and areas for improvement.
Even when firing someone, face-saving matters:
Poor approach: "Your performance has been unacceptable."
Better approach: "This role isn't the right fit for your skills. I think you'd thrive in a different environment, and I want to help you transition."
The person still loses their job, but they keep their dignity. This matters for them—and for the morale of everyone watching.
If you must acknowledge someone's improvement (which implies they were deficient), do it in terms that focus on their growth rather than their previous failure:
"I've noticed real progress in your attention to detail lately" is better than "You've finally stopped making so many mistakes."
In many cultures, face-saving is even more critical than in Western contexts. In Asian business culture, for example, causing someone to lose face can end relationships and business deals permanently.
Even if you're not operating across cultures, treating face-saving as critical will improve all your relationships.
If someone has already been embarrassed:
Helping someone recover from embarrassment builds deep loyalty.
In any relationship—professional or personal—you'll need things from people over time. Every humiliation is a withdrawal from the relationship bank account. Every act of grace is a deposit.
The person who habitually saves others' faces builds a network of goodwill that serves them throughout their career and life.
Saving face creates the foundation for the next principle: praising every improvement to build people up rather than tear them down.
Principle 5: Let the other person save face.