Articles / How to Talk in Terms of the Other Person's Interests
How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleDiscover how to identify and engage with what truly interests other people. Research shows people remember conversations about their passions more vividly and view the other person more favourably.
Written by Laura Bouttell • Sat 24th January 2026
Everyone who visited Theodore Roosevelt was astonished at the range and diversity of his knowledge. Whether the visitor was a cowboy, a Rough Rider, a New York politician, or a foreign diplomat, Roosevelt seemed to know exactly what to say about their particular subject.
How did he do it?
Simple. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he stayed up late the night before reading about the subject in which that guest was particularly interested.
Roosevelt understood something fundamental: the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things they treasure most.
Here's what happens in someone's brain when you talk about what interests them.
When discussing a topic they're passionate about, their reward circuitry activates. Dopamine flows. They feel energised, validated, alive. They associate those feelings with you—the person who triggered them.
Research on self-disclosure shows that sharing personal information—including talking about one's interests and passions—activates the same brain regions associated with food and money. It's literally rewarding to talk about what you care about.
But here's the twist: most people rarely get the opportunity. In typical conversations, we're waiting for our turn to speak, talking about ourselves, discussing surface-level topics. Deep engagement with someone's genuine passion is rare.
When you provide it, you stand out.
A study at Harvard found that talking about oneself was so pleasurable that participants would forgo money for the opportunity to do so. When you invite someone to talk about their interests, you're giving them something they value—even if they don't consciously realise it.
William Lyon Phelps was beloved by generations of Yale students. His secret?
"I had learned before I was nine years old that the way to a man's heart is to talk to him about the things he holds most dear."
Nine years old. He spent the rest of his life proving it true.
When you show genuine interest in someone's passion, you're not just making conversation. You're honouring something central to who they are. Their hobby, their expertise, their cause—these aren't peripheral details. They're often where people feel most fully themselves.
Most of the time, people have to suppress their enthusiasm. They can't talk about breeding orchids at work meetings. They can't explain their vintage car restoration at dinner parties without seeing eyes glaze over. They contain their passion because they've learned it bores most people.
Then you come along and actually want to hear about it.
In conversation, pay attention to changes in body language and tone. When someone mentions a topic and their voice lifts, their eyes brighten, their posture opens—that's the signal. That's where the gold is.
Most people blow right past these moments, returning to their own agenda. Don't. Follow that thread.
"You just mentioned you spent the weekend at your allotment—tell me more about that. What are you growing?"
Office decorations, photos, books on their desk, the screensaver on their computer—these are deliberate choices. People surround themselves with what matters to them.
A photo of a sailboat. A marathon medal. A chess set. A collection of vinyl records. Each is an invitation to connect.
"That's a beautiful photo—is that your boat?"
Surface questions get surface answers.
Instead of "Do you have any hobbies?" try:
The question signals that you actually want to know—not that you're just making polite noise.
Before important meetings, learn what you can about the person. LinkedIn, company bios, news articles, mutual connections—any background that helps you connect.
Roosevelt stayed up late reading about his guests' interests. You have the internet. There's no excuse.
On our Quarterdeck courses, we encourage leaders to spend ten minutes before any significant meeting learning something about the other person beyond their job title. That small investment pays extraordinary dividends.
Even if you know something about the topic, resist the urge to demonstrate it. Instead, position them as the expert:
These questions invite stories. Stories build connection far more than information exchange.
Not knowing about their interest is actually an advantage.
"I know nothing about beekeeping—I'd love to understand what draws you to it."
Your genuine ignorance + genuine curiosity = a great conversation for them.
Most people are delighted to explain something they love to an interested newcomer. Your lack of knowledge gives them the gift of teaching.
Amateur interviewers ask about facts. Great interviewers ask about meaning.
Not just: "How many bees do you have?" But: "What is it about beekeeping that you find satisfying?"
The facts tell you about the hobby. The meaning tells you about the person.
"It sounds like sailing has taught you a lot about reading conditions and making decisions with incomplete information—I imagine that shows up in how you run your business too."
This shows you're not just making conversation. You're genuinely understanding how their passion shapes who they are.
Edward Harriman, a banker, needed important information from a company president who had been vague and unhelpful despite multiple attempts.
Then Harriman noticed something: the president's secretary mentioned he collected stamps for his twelve-year-old son. Harriman worked at a bank that received letters from around the world.
He gathered exotic stamps and returned to the office.
"He couldn't have shaken my hand with more enthusiasm if he had been running for Congress."
They spent half an hour talking stamps and looking at pictures of the president's boy. Then—without being asked—the president devoted over an hour giving Harriman every bit of information he wanted, plus more.
Harriman hadn't manipulated anyone. He'd simply shown genuine interest in what the man cared about. The information flowed naturally.
When you talk about others' interests, you're not just making them feel good. You're expanding your own world.
Every conversation becomes an education. Roosevelt's legendary breadth of knowledge didn't come from books alone—it came from thousands of conversations where he let himself be taught by enthusiasts.
Over time, you become genuinely more interesting yourself. Not because you're trying to be—but because you've absorbed fragments of a thousand passions from a thousand conversations.
This principle only works if your interest is genuine. People sense false flattery and strategic questioning immediately.
If you find yourself unable to muster genuine curiosity about what someone cares about, ask yourself why. Often, the problem is that you're not listening deeply enough. Every passion has something fascinating in it—if you look hard enough.
The person obsessed with antique clocks has thoughts about craftsmanship, precision, and the passage of time that might never have occurred to you. The person who breeds tropical fish understands ecosystems and patience in ways you don't. The amateur genealogist has thought deeply about identity and family.
Find the deeper layer, and genuine curiosity follows.
Before your next three significant conversations or meetings:
After three attempts, you'll see the pattern. People light up when you ask about what they love. They open up. They connect with you differently.
Keep doing it until it becomes automatic.
Once you've discovered someone's interests and engaged with them genuinely, you've created a foundation for the final principle in making people like you: making them feel important sincerely.
Together, these six principles—genuine interest, a warm smile, remembering names, listening, talking about their interests, and making them feel important—form a complete system for building relationships that matter.
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person's interests.