Articles / How to Let the Other Person Feel That the Idea Is Theirs
How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleResearch shows people value what they create 57% more than identical ready-made versions. Learn techniques for guiding others to discover solutions they'll champion.
Written by Laura Bouttell • Sat 24th January 2026
No one likes being told what to think. But everyone loves discovering good ideas.
When an idea is imposed on us, we instinctively resist—even if it's a good idea. When we discover an idea ourselves, we embrace it, defend it, and act on it.
The skill isn't coming up with ideas. It's helping others come up with your ideas.
In 2011, researchers at Harvard Business School discovered something they called the "IKEA effect." When people assemble products themselves—even following instructions, even with frustration—they value those products significantly more than identical pre-assembled versions.
A recent meta-analysis synthesising 55 studies with over 5,400 participants confirmed the effect is real and robust: self-assembly labour leads to 57% higher valuation of the completed product. This effect held up across different types of products, cultures, and contexts.
Crucially, the research found that psychological ownership is the mechanism behind the effect. It's not just the effort—it's the feeling that "this is mine because I made it."
The same principle applies to ideas. A mediocre idea that someone believes is theirs will receive more energy and commitment than a brilliant idea they perceive as someone else's.
Instead of stating your solution, ask questions that lead to it:
Instead of: "We should move the meeting to Thursday." Try: "What day would give people the most time to prepare?"
Instead of: "You need to delegate more." Try: "What tasks could someone else handle, freeing you for higher-priority work?"
The question guides them to the destination while letting them feel they chose the path.
Introduce an idea casually, without pressing for adoption:
"I read an interesting article about companies that switched to four-day weeks... anyway, back to what you were saying."
Then let it germinate. Days or weeks later, they may bring it up as their own idea. Let them. The idea will get more traction as their idea than as your article reference.
The research on the IKEA effect found that completion matters—people value what they finish. When they complete the thought you started, the ownership transfers.
Instead of presenting your solution, share the problem and invite them to solve it:
Instead of: "I think we should use Vendor B." Try: "We have two vendor options. Vendor A is cheaper but has longer lead times. Vendor B costs more but delivers faster. What factors should we consider?"
Let them work through the analysis. They'll likely reach your conclusion—and own it.
Take elements from things they've said and combine them:
"Earlier you mentioned wanting more flexibility, and you also talked about improving productivity. What if there was a way to do both?"
You're not introducing a new idea—you're connecting their own ideas.
When someone is heading toward your idea but hasn't arrived yet, encourage the direction:
"That's interesting—say more about that." "You might be onto something there." "What if you took that thinking even further?"
You're nurturing their thinking without taking over.
A textile manufacturer had tried for years to sell fabric to one of the largest automobile manufacturers in America. Nothing worked.
Finally, he tried a different approach. He brought along unfinished fabric swatches and asked the automobile buyer for his thoughts. What colours and designs would work for car upholstery?
The buyer was happy to share his ideas. The manufacturer went back, had the fabrics made up according to the buyer's suggestions, and returned.
The buyer loved them—of course he did, they were his ideas. The manufacturer got the order.
Research shows this principle has profound implications for leadership and change management.
Employees who feel ownership of outcomes are significantly more likely to adopt, adapt, and champion ideas and changes. The research found that when organisations form cross-functional groups and empower them "not only to carry out action plans but also to design and build the action plans themselves," resistance to change drops dramatically.
On our Quarterdeck leadership courses, we see this consistently. Leaders who involve their teams in designing solutions—even when they already know what the solution should be—get faster adoption and more committed execution.
Valve Corporation, the gaming company, has a famously flat structure where employees choose their own projects. This creates intense psychological ownership—employees aren't executing someone else's vision; they're building their own. The result is remarkable innovation.
If you present your conclusion and then ask for input, the input is performative. Everyone knows you've already decided. Keep your conclusion to yourself while guiding the exploration.
When they arrive at your idea, don't say "That's exactly what I was thinking!" This signals it was your idea all along, destroying their ownership. Instead, say "That's a great insight" or "That could really work."
If your questions become too leading, people sense the manipulation. Keep questions genuinely open-ended. Be willing to arrive at a different conclusion if their thinking takes you somewhere better.
Ideas take time to germinate. A seed planted today may not sprout for weeks. Don't keep watering the same spot—plant, then move on and let it grow naturally.
Take an idea you want someone to accept:
Example: You think the team should start having daily standups
Best for:
Less critical for:
"A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves."
The highest form of influence is invisible. The person feels they made the decision freely, never realising how carefully you guided them there.
This principle pairs powerfully with seeing things from their point of view—when you truly understand their perspective, you can help them discover ideas that serve both of your interests.
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.