How to Get the Other Person Saying 'Yes, Yes' Immediately

The Secret of Socrates

When Socrates wanted to convince someone, he didn't start by presenting his argument. He started by asking questions that the other person had to answer "yes" to.

He kept asking questions until his opponent, almost without realising it, found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have denied just minutes earlier.

This is the "Socratic method"—and it's as powerful today as it was in ancient Athens.

The Science Behind It

When you say "no," much more than a word is involved. Your entire organism—glandular, nervous, muscular—gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. When you say "yes," none of this withdrawal takes place.

The more "yeses" you can get at the beginning of a conversation, the more likely you are to capture the listener's attention for your ultimate proposition.

It's much easier to say "yes" after you've said "yes" several times than to say "yes" after you've said "no."

Practical Techniques

Technique 1: Start with Obvious Agreements

Begin with statements no reasonable person could disagree with:

Examples:

• "We both want this project to succeed, right?"
• "You'd agree that keeping customers happy is important?"
• "We all want to find a solution that works for everyone, correct?"

These opening agreements establish a collaborative tone.

Technique 2: Find the Hidden "Yes"

Even when someone seems to disagree, look for the underlying agreement:

Scenario: An employee wants a raise. The manager says they can't afford it.

Hidden yes questions:

• "You'd agree that good employees deserve to be compensated fairly?" (Yes)
• "And that keeping experienced staff is valuable to the company?" (Yes)
• "So our goal is to find a way to recognise good performance within our constraints?" (Yes)

Now you're problem-solving together instead of fighting.

Technique 3: The Agreement Ladder

Build from small agreements to larger ones:

Step 1: Start with something trivially true "It's important to get this right, isn't it?"

Step 2: Move to a related but slightly larger agreement "And we'd both prefer a solution that works for the long term?"

Step 3: Connect to your actual point "So it might be worth taking a bit more time now to avoid problems later?"

Each "yes" makes the next one easier.

Technique 4: Reframe Objections as Questions

When someone raises an objection, turn it into a yes question:

Objection: "That's too expensive." Reframe: "So cost is an important factor for you?" (Yes) "And you'd want to make sure you're getting good value for your investment?" (Yes) "So if I could show you how this actually saves money over time...?"

You've transformed resistance into engagement.

Technique 5: Use "Don't you think..." Carefully

The phrase "Don't you think..." invites agreement:

• "Don't you think it would be better to..."
• "Wouldn't you agree that..."
• "Isn't it true that..."

But use this sparingly—overuse feels manipulative.

The Bank Clerk Example

A man wanted to open a bank account but refused to fill out certain information on the form. The clerk could have insisted—and lost the customer.

Instead, she asked: "If you had money in this bank and died, wouldn't you want the bank to transfer your money to your next of kin?" (Yes)

"Don't you think it would be a good idea to give us the name of your nearest relative so we can carry out your wishes?" (Yes)

The man filled out the form—not because he was forced, but because he was led to see it made sense.

Practice Exercise: The Yes Map

Before any persuasive conversation:

1. Write down your ultimate goal (what you want them to agree to)
2. Work backwards to identify 3-5 smaller agreements that lead there
3. Start with the most obvious agreement (something they can't say no to)
4. Build the chain from small yeses to your larger request

Example: Asking for a project extension

Goal: Get a two-week extension

Yes chain:

1. "Quality matters on this project, right?" (Yes)
2. "And it would be costly to have to redo work that wasn't done right?" (Yes)
3. "So it's better to take the time needed to do it properly?" (Yes)
4. "Given the unexpected complexity we've hit, would a two-week extension help us deliver the quality we both want?"

Common Mistakes

Mistake 1: Asking Questions That Might Get "No"

Before asking any question, test it mentally. If there's any chance of "no," rephrase it.

Risky: "Do you have time to discuss this?" Better: "When would be a good time to discuss this—now or after lunch?"

Mistake 2: Making the Manipulation Obvious

If someone feels like they're being "yessed" into something, they'll resist. Keep questions natural and conversational.

Mistake 3: Asking Too Many Questions

Two to three yes questions are usually enough. More than that feels like an interrogation.

Mistake 4: Jumping to Your Point Too Quickly

Take time with the yes questions. Don't rush to your conclusion—let the agreement build naturally.

The Telephone Technique

James Eberson, a telecommunications instructor, used this approach with a difficult customer who refused to pay a bill he believed was unfair:

Instead of arguing, Eberson asked: "Aside from the charge you believe is incorrect, were you satisfied with the service you received?" (Yes)

"And the other charges on your bill—were they accurate?" (Yes)

"So our disagreement is really just about this one item?" (Yes)

"What if I look into that specific charge and get back to you with the details—would that help us resolve this?" (Yes)

By the time Eberson investigated, the customer was calm and reasonable. The charge turned out to be correct, and the customer paid—with no hard feelings.

The Chinese Proverb

"He who treads softly goes far."

Getting people saying yes isn't about trickery—it's about finding common ground and building on it. When you start with agreement, the disagreement seems smaller. When you start with disagreement, even agreements feel contested.

The yes technique pairs naturally with letting the other person do most of the talking—let them talk themselves into agreeing.

Principle 5: Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.